Dear Fanfiction: HP
by Loyal2Artemis
Summary: Hey! What do you know? We're the characters here! The Harry Potter crew is NOT pleased. Fanfiction writers, they've got them all messed up. So they're here to set these writers straight.
1. From Ginny

**All right, this was just an idea I had while my teacher was going on and on about some sort of packet. Hope you like this!**

**Onto the disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own Harry Potter. All rights go to J.K. Rowling.**

**Now, it's story time!**

Dear Fanfiction,

No, I am not secretly dating Malfoy, thank you very much. Nor am I dating Zabini, Cedric, or _Ron _(ugh!). He's my bloody _brother_ for Merlin's sake! And the others- ugh! Except maybe Cedric- wait! Don't tell Harry I said that!

Also, you need to learn to spell my name. Your spelling is absolutely _horrid_! Can you not get off your lazy arses to check my name?

Not-So-Sincerely,

Ginny

Not

Jenny

Giny

Virginia

_And others_

**So, what'd you think? Press that shiny review button and tell me! **


	2. From Voldie

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and (probably) never will. I'm still hoping, though! **

Fanfiction,

Yes, I killed Snape. I killed Potter. I killed Evans. What's your point? They didn't have any use to me.

And, no, I didn't take any of them prisoner for later use (especially that know-it-all- mudblood Evans. Idiots). Though that might have been a good idea. Maybe it could have saved me.

You know what, Fanfiction writers? You might have just caused your death…

Watch Your Back,

Lord Voldemort

**So, what'd you think? Tell me who your favorite character is, and I might be able to do a letter from them.**


	3. From The Dead

**I replaced this chapter. I didn't like it. Here is the **_**new**_** chapter!**

Dear Fanfiction-

We _died_! Get over it! There is no way you can bring us back! So stop trying! Siriusly _-Sirius, change it back! Change the word! Ow! Fine, don't change it back!- _it's annoying. So **stop**!

Sincerely,  
The dead


	4. From Ron

**Disclaimer: I own **_**nada**_

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm freaking _straight_! I'm not dating Harry, Malfoy, Fred, George, or anyone else. Just Hermione.

And, no, I am loyal to her and do not cheat on her.

A very _(this has been bleeped out)_,

Ron Weasley


	5. Yes, I'm back again

**Disclaimer: What do you think?**

Dear Fanfiction-

I would not join the dark side.

-Ginny


	6. From all of us

**Disclaimer: If I were JK Rowling, do you think I would be writing this?**

Fanfiction-

We characters do _not_ like having to do your disclaimers. Can you not get off your lazy buts and do it _yourselves_?

- The whole wizard world


	7. From McGonnagal

**Disclaimer: I do not, and will not, own Harry Potter.**

**This disclaimer goes for the rest of the story because I am sick of writing disclaimers.**

Dear Fanfiction,

Dumbledore and I never had a romantic relationship. Wrap that around your thick heads.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

**Anyone have a favorite character they want me to do?**


	8. From the Hairy Ferret

FANFICTION-

HOW DARE YOU WRITE A STORY ABOUT THE GRANGER AND ME! WHERE WE ARE IN LOVE! WHERE I CARE FOR HER, AND PROTECT HER, AND MOST OF ALL, **LOVE HER! **WE HATE EACH OTHER! THIS PAIRING WOULD NOTE WORK OUT! SHE HATES ME, I HATE HER, AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY! UGH! UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH! BLOODY **(BLEEP)**ED UP IDIOTS!

-Draco Malfoy

P.S. I would not join the dark side.


	9. From Snape

**I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long, but I have had zero access to internet over the past 2 weeks. But now I am up and running again!**

Fanfiction-

"…and then I lost my will to live, for the beautiful, fiery, fierce, love of my life Lily Evans was taken away from me forever. I shall never be happy again…"

You don't know anything. I was never like that, never like Potter.

I hate you,

Severus Snape

P.S. Snarry? That's just wrong.

P.P.S. You will be the first of your kind to go…


	10. From Petunia

Dear Fanfiction,

I never went… _there_. That was my freak of a sister, her horrible son, and the other… dark haired one. Never did I have feelings for the dark haired one except dislike.

The perfectly normal,  
Petunia Dursley


	11. Hmph I shouldn't be back again

Fanfiction,

…then Ginny cheated on me with Ferret, so I killed her, him, and everyone else one the light side. Then I joined Voldemort, and we became best friends forever! Yay!

Really?,  
Harry Potter


	12. From the awesome guy

**Thank you soooooo much to **_**PandamoniumPress **_**for the idea of this chapter! I love it!**

Fanfiction-

WTF? Who came up with the switching genders idea? Although I think I would look totally hot as a girl, imaging _Voldie_ as a girl. Talk about creepy…

We don't like being our opposite gender, thank you very much.

-Sirius Black

P.S. How would _you_ like to be switched?


	13. From Luna

Dear Fanfiction,

I don't like your stories. You make me look like an air-head blonde. Sorry, but that's Lavender Brown. Have you guys even read the books? I'm the smart one, along with Hermione.

Sincerely,  
Luna Lovegood


	14. From Dumbledore

Dear Fanfiction,

I would not let your Mary Sues into Hogwarts.

Sincerely,  
Albus Dumbledore


	15. From Hermione

Fanfiction-

A bossy know-it-all? I freaking _changed_, alright?

-Hermione _Weasley _(not Potter, not Snape, _definitely_ not Malfoy)


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm so so so so so so sorry I haven't updated! I couldn't find my computer, then school started, then I just got super busy. I'll try to update more, but it won't be as often. Sorry!**

Fanfiction-

Yeah, I died in the last battle. Yeah, George survived. GET IT SRAIGHT! Do you think I wanted to die? No, I wanted to live, and become a -alive- uncle for George and Angelina's kids (you know it would happen). But it didn't work out. And there is _nothing_ you can do about it. So, ha. Deal with it.

-Fred Weasley

P.S. I saw Snape yesterday. It was funny. As soon as he saw me, he ran the other way muttering something about how even when he is dead he won't be able to get any rest, and thinking he got rid of us. Pretty funny, huh?


	17. From the quittage team

**I'm so so so so so soooooooooooo sorry I haven't updated in a while. But heres a chapter to make up for it.**

Muggle fiction writers-

You know, Slytherin doesn't have a horrible quittage team. Your Mary-Sues from Gryffindor don't have to win every game.

Or they can, you know, win _none_.

Sincerely,  
the Slytherin Quittage Team


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